My Difficult Days
by Maxiee
Summary: Rated M for self-harming hermione! She gets bullied by the infamous slytherin gang while Draco tries to stay neutral and stop her from them hurting her as well as him saving her from herself... Anyway, go ahead and read! - Only constructive criticism please!
1. Chapter 1

New Fanfic - Dramione

Hope you like it!

* * *

Hermione's POV

I stood looking from the astronomy tower, the moonlight hitting the Scottish water that surrounded the school. Tears cascading down my petit face, my soft brown hair framed around the sides. It was no longer bushy, thick or frizzy, thanks to ginny and her amazing new spells.

-Stop crying, they're not work your tears!- a voice inside my head whispered.

*Flashback*

"Filthy mudblood!" Pansy Parkinson and her gang shouted at me, hexes and curses were shot at me, making my body buckle beneath me as I fell to the harsh concrete floor.

Even Crabbe and Goyle joined in. However, Malfoy just stood behind them with an apologetic look in his eyes. It was as if he was feeling sympathy for me…wait…a Malfoy showing weakness. That was unheard of!

"Look at the mudblood, lowly filth, such a disgusting creature in our presence." Another person jeered at me.

Pain was flooding through my fragile body – I refused to cry, I was not up to giving them that satisfaction…

I sloped away clutching my sides. No-one bothered to check up on me, they just averted their eyes as if the hadn't seen me…

I heard their laughs echo down the corridor, they were following me. I looked over my shoulder to see one of pansy's friends running towards me with a malicious glint in her eyes. She tripped me up and once I was on the floor she repeatedly kicked me in the chest, legs and head. I was reduced to a bloody mess upon the great school's floors.

I managed to pick my bedraggled body off of the floor and headed back to the head's dormitories without anyone spotting me. Every step was like stepping on hot coals – my body just couldn't take it anymore...the pain was excruciating this time. I put silencing spells around myself as well as various locking spells on the door so Blaise wouldn't try and walk in to see if I wanted to eat something to eat. I never felt hungry anymore…never wanting to eat; the thought of eating made the bile rise in my throat…not a good idea.

But the pain just covered my mind so I couldn't think straight…I grabbed a small package from my desk draw along with some bandages, I also took out a small wooden box…my special box with my blades in. I unclipped the latch on the small box saw the rows of blades, the metal glinting in the dimly lit room.

I carefully selected a blade and removed it carefully from the velvet lining of the box as if it was a delicate items, I drew a series of long red lines along my arms. My emotions came flooding out like the blood flowing from my arms. I felt at peace and the tears flowed from my eyes. Only to realise the crimson liquid was dripping and seeping in to my cream bedsheets.

I muttered a quick scourgify and the stain vanished and started to softly bandage my arms up , rolling down my cloak sleeves and hiding my blades once again in my desk draw upon casting an enchantment to keep it sealed.

*end of flashback*

Wiping the stray tears away from my face thinking of what had been happening in the past; I disappeared down the steep steps of the astronomy tower but not before closing the door quietly behind me. I checked the marauders map (that harry let me borrow), to check if anyone was lurking in the corridors below. Sensing there was no-one down below I crept down the next flight of stairs and across the corridor in to the heads room.

The fire was blazing in the corner of the room and I felt a pang of pain in my stomach and bent over , then crumpled to the floor.

-Damn Pansy and her friends- I said in my head.

Little did I realise Blaise was sat in front of the fire reading a potions book on his lap when he heard me fall. He raced towards me and was immediately worried.

"Hermione, are you ok?" He all but shouted, his voice sounding concerned.

"Blaise, I am fine , just leave me alone – I can sleep it off because I'm just tired." I said tiredly

I tried to pick myself up but I just ended up falling to the ground again , closing my eyes and bracing myself for the hard wooden floor that never came. I opened my eyes to find myself in Blaise's arms.

"Blaise, I am only going to ask once…" I whispered angrily.

"No Hermione, I will not put you down until you tell me what happened or I am going to take you to see Madam Pomfrey!" he threatened.

"Please no don't, honestly I'm fine!" I all but growled back.

"Fine if you can walk to your bedroom, I will let the issue go." He relented and placed me down gently , I tried to walk to my bedroom door but just before I touched the door handle. The pain rippled through my body and I collapsed , blacking out but not before I heard Blaise say:

"I knew it"

* * *

I was surrounded by the familiar white glow of the hospital walls as well as a few people , their faces clouded with concern. Pain flooded back through me as I realised that both Ginny and Blaise were hugging me, I decided not to say anything.

I instantly looked down to my arms to see to see that I had a long hospital gown on ,so if Madam Pomfrey has seen them she had chosen to overlook them.

"Hermione, we were so worried about you" Ginny gushed.

"I knew there was something wrong with you!" Blaise cried.

I felt groggy and ached all over.

"How long have I been asleep for?" I croaked out.

"Ummm…four days" he said sheepishly.

"What? You let me sleep for that long" I all but screeched.

"Hermione you were in pain and you know Madam Pomfrey's like she thinks of you as her own daughter, she was not prepared to let you leave in a hurry like you would probably do." Ginny cut in.

Blaise hurried off in search of Madam Pomfrey.

"So you and Blaise?" I said slyly

"Yeah…no, wait, what?" She stuttered, her embarrassment becoming more apparent.

"Of course"

By the time I had finished my sentence Madam Pomfrey came bustling through and Blaise followed her quietly.

"Miss Granger, lovely to see you awake, your condition appears to be better than before" she said sternly.

"Thank you for helping me Madam Pomfrey, but can I go now?" I asked sheepishly.

"You still need to relax, you are pushing your body to the extreme and it's not good for you"

"Honestly, I am fine, perhaps I did need the sleep but I feel better now, so please? I promise not to strain myself"

"Tell me who did this to you? You had multiple breaks in your ribs, arms and legs and to add to that a small fracture in your head."

"I fell on the steps leading up to the astronomy tower but I'm not too sure about all those breaks, I felt fine earlier." I insisted.

"There are also results of hexes, I've been in this profession long enough to tell when someone has been hexed or cursed."

I heard audible gasps from Ginny and Blaise.

"I haven't been hexed or cursed by anyone…please can I just leave?" I pushed again.

Madam Pomfrey relented and let out a long sigh before saying:

"Fine, but Blaise and Ginny must bring you back tomorrow evening after your evening meal to receive some more medication and the minute anything starts hurting you must return back here, ok?"

"Fine , I promise and I'll see you tomorrow." I sighed.

* * *

I turned to walk out of the ward before realising I was still wearing the hospital gown.

"Blaise where is my wand?" I said primly.

I turned towards him holding out my hand waiting for my wand to be placed in my hand.

"Here, I picked it up from when you fell." He spoke quickly while returning my wand.

I waved my wand and I was fully dressed, I wasn't going to perform speechless magic because I hadn't mentioned it to anyone that I self-taught myself how to do it.

I walked briskly out of the ward wanting to escape the eeriness of the school infirmary.

"So Ginny , Blaise what did I miss when I was asleep?"

"Well, Harry and Luna are besotted with each other but they did visit you , Madam Pomfrey kept on saying how you needed your sleep even though she gave you a sleepless dream draught and so she just let us two come and visit you. Ron is just being Ron and lording it around with a fair few sluts. Oh if only mum could see him now! He would be in soo much trouble , I bet she wouldn't hesitate in sending him a howler!" she ended up giggling at her last sentence, whilst I just said dryly:

"Lovely…"

"Anyway , back to you – what the hell happened? Blaise ran to the Gryffindor common room and was knocking on the door for ages trying to get in to tell someone and I just happened to be on a free lesson" Ginny exclaimed.

"Like I said to Madam Pomfrey, it was an accident; I merely tripped up the stairs and as for the curses and hexes well I haven't been involved with anything of the sort!"

Before they could say another word , I walked swiftly down the corridor, still feeling the repercussions of yesterday's treatment, and in to a secret passageway which in turn reminded me to owl Fred and George to thank them for showing me some secret passageways.

Back where I had just left them, Ginny and Blaise were still trying to figure out where I had disappeared off to.

I carried on down the corridor through another series of passageways and found myself back in the head's room.

I placed various locking and silencing spells around the room and went in in search of the small wooden box that would release my emotions again…

* * *

Well what do you think?

More chapter will be uploaded soon n.n

Thanks for reading , review + fav thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys back again with a new chapter! 3

Enjoy!

* * *

I woke up in a daze, the room felt like it was spinning. I rushed out of my bedroom and to the bathroom and my stomach evacuated anything and everything in it. I couldn't help thinking about what had happened since the beginning this year...

I was nothing but a play toy for some rich pure blood bastards and yes I now swear, the granger you once knew is slowly starting to disappear.

Pain was slowly travelling through my body as I lay on the floor. I realised that I had started to claw the scars on my arms and wrists making them bleed again...

* * *

I managed to clean myself up somewhat and made myself presentable for lessons even though I didn't have the strength to go. I had to, to uphold my reputation of being the brightest witch of the century or whatever... Although after the loss of my dear friends like Remus, Sirius, Fred, Tonks and many other friends ...How could people call us the heroes? The "golden trio", we didn't deserve the glory.

Although, Harry did kill Voldermort but I had figured out how to destroy the horcruxes and to lead him to his downfall, did I get any acknowledgment apart from a being a sidekick? No.

I left my thoughts and opened the door to find a concerned Blaise in the doorway...oh dear. Had I forgotten to put a spell on the door? Did I scream? I thought I had been quiet enough. But it wasn't that. As I smiled I hoped it was convincing enough, he also started to smile and it reached his eyes. I wonder If my smile was like that... Bringing away from those thoughts, he spoke:

"Don't forget that tonight you need to see Madam Pomfrey"

"How could I forget?" I replied sarcastically, wanting to escape his gaze.

"Good, I'm not trying to badger you with it but you gave us all a scare yesterday"

"Well I don't exactly remember what happened yesterday but what I do remember is that i have to go to the infirmary...ok?" I said exasperatedly, I was fed up with Blaise. I cleverly dipped under his arm and sped to the communal area where I picked up my bag that I had packed last night with today's books and homework in, quickly stepping out the door before Blaise said anything else.

Cringing at the pain in my stomach - it just wouldn't stop...

I went down the moving stairs which lead me to the floor of the great hall, I could not get over how splendid it looked from day one of school, how I remembered the letter arriving by owl - my parents being so angry that I was the freak of the family...

My mother had screeched and my father had shouted at me , he had hit me for the first time ever...when he said he never would...and the first day I had used a blade that I used my magic to summon... (I was fairly advanced for my age apparently...)

I dragged my thoughts away and my mask of emotions snapped firmly back in position as I walked over.

The banquet tables full of delicious food - people laughing, eating and talking animatedly to each other - the smell of food was just intoxicating -and not disrespect to the house elves but not in a good way, I walked over to Ginny and sat down.

She asked me if I had breakfast and to that I replied with a quick no and told her I did not feel well. I rushed out of the hall to the nearest prefects bathroom , she was still sat in her seat dumbstruck - not knowing quite what to make of it.

I managed to get to the prefects bathroom just in time for nobody to be in there - I felt so ill but I wasn't going back to the infirmary just yet!

Oh how I hated that awful place...

I pulled myself together and managed to get to class on time with potions with Snape.

* * *

"Thank you Miss Granger for gracing us with your wonderful presence" he quipped but turned back to the main boring conversation of the properties of wolfs bane. Oh the joys of potions with Snape and his slytherin house.

"Right the following pairs for this potion and set task are as follows - Neville and Luna, Harry and Pansy, Blaise and Daphne and last but not least Draco and Hermione. Now these pairs are based on ability and you group being the best year 7 potions group you should produce the best potions for your NEWTS."

Great I thought more pressure and I have to work with Malfoy, I'm sure he's going to be trouble this year...

Everyone moved getting organised in to the appropriate pairs, with the various potion ingredients and equipment. I was stuck in a daze when all of a sudden I heard a male voice that spoke softly and sincerely.

"Granger, I think we should call a truce for this year"

I turned around slowing knowing who the voice had come from...Malfoy...

The person who had treated me like his personal play toy , called me names and everything.

These thoughts were spinning around my head - so many feelings that I couldn't understand- why would he want to call a truce? He still hated me after the war didn't he?

"Um...what don't you hate me ? Why aren't you calling me names like your pure blood friends? Calling me a mudblood" my voice lowered at the last few words, as I did, he winced at that word and rushed out the next few words:

"I didn't mean to act like that towards you - I'm over that pure blood crap, I really want to call a truce because I'm truly sorry for what happened to you back in that place..."

I was completely shocked, I just kept on working on the potion task to get it ready for the end of the lesson to give to Snape. Trying to keep my mind off of what happened at the Malfoy manor - my whole body shook with terror, I couldn't forget about what had happened - it was the stems to the branches of my nightmares.

I started to scratch my arm discretely until I felt blood starting to trickle down my arm, as I was about to start scratching my wrist - when a gentle hand took my hand and held it in his for a second or two.

* * *

Hope you like it! next chapter in the next few minutes!

Thanks for reading

x


	3. Chapter 3

another chapter guys! :D

* * *

I started to scratch my arm discretely until I felt blood starting to trickle down my arm, as I was about to start scratching my wrist - when a gentle hand took my hand and held it in his for a second or two.

"I know what you are doing..." He said quietly, I froze as his hand was around my wrist- how did he know? I wondered.

He let go and I couldn't help but ask:

"But how do you know?" I rushed out.

"I just know" he said flatly.

I was now petrified...he knew about my dark secret...he was going to tell people...

The thought of being discovered spun around my head - the wave of pain washed over me, I could feel the blood trickling down to my arm to my wrist, and my ribs felt like they were throbbing. My whole body felt numb.

The pain was too much. I gave up and the darkness enclosed over me, I felt someone catch me and a few people called out my name...

I felt like my whole world was crashing over me. I almost leapt out of bed where a steady hand pushed me back. I felt someone's hand on my arm. Who was it? Was someone trying to grab me? I couldn't help but think of when my dad hit me, and grabbed me by the wrist - the memories of that night came flooding back in to my mind. I started to panic and my breathing turned erratic and all I could hear were two people telling me to calm down and to breathe properly.

I started to calm down and realised I was sat in with Madam Pomfrey on one side of me and the only and only Draco Malfoy on the other side of me.

I flinched and Malfoy quickly retracted his arm from my wrist and rested it back down by his side.

Whereas madam Pomfrey just slowly took her arm away and looked at me in a worried fashion. Her gaze bore in to me and I felt as I could not escape it so I looked over at Malfoy who had a concerned look over his face...

Why was Malfoy so concerned about me?

Malfoy spoke first, breaking the deafening silence in the room:

"Just to clear the air, I was asked by professor Snape to look after you and take you to the infirmary so I'll go report back to him" he said as he walked out swiftly.

Whereas Madam Pomfrey just gave me that knowing look and I wished that I was invisible , if I could only blend in to the back ground like I always do when I'm in the classroom. No one pays attention to me anymore I just blend in to the darkness.

"Hermione, what is going on inside that head of yours?" She asked sincerely.

"I'm fine, just slightly worried about the N.E.W.T.S..." as I said this I knew she wouldn't believe me.

"Hermione , you know I worry about you - you're almost like my own daughter and I hate to see you like this. You must lessen your workload..." she said quietly to me.

"I know but I really want to do well and get as many qualifications as I can so i can do what I want to in the wizarding world. I really wouldn't want to go in to the muggle world..." I said down-heartedly, I then tensed slightly realising what had slipped out of my mouth...

"Why don't you want to go back to muggle world?" she said and quirked her eye-brow up in question to what I had just said.

"Well...if i went back there to work, I would have to go through GCSE's which are the equivalent of N.E.W.T.S in college instead of studying subjects I enjoy...anyway I prefer the subjects we learn here" I said with a smile which re-assured her.

"Oh good...I couldn't bear it if you left now, do you realise how much you are loved here? You would be missed so much by everyone including me" she smiled and finally said:

"I took advantage when you were asleep to give you the medication that you would have taken tonight, and given you so more medication so you might feel slightly drowsy. Draco will take you back to the head's dorm and you are excused from lessons for today and tomorrow. Please get better and don't let things drag you down..."

As she said this last sentence, he walked back in ready to take me back. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and jumped out in and hurry but instantly regretted it , Malfoy just caught me in time before I hit the floor again. A blush lightly dust my cheeks as he lifted me up but still kept an arm around my waist while talking to Madam Pomfrey about my medication that he had to give me the instant we got back to the dorm. I blanked them out and was almost falling asleep when he gently nudged me to walk on.

"Granger...I mean Hermione" He said something after that by I focused on how my name had sounded, a foreign sound on his tongue, I just loved the way it sounded...

No I couldn't think that way and I shook my head and started to feel dizzy - Harry and Ron would think I was fraternizing with the enemy after all he had been awful towards me in the past...I should hate him but the way his hair shone in the sunlight that blazed in through the windows as we walked past made it look as though he had a halo around his head. But he was no angel...

I could not even entertain that idea...oh dear this potion was making me confused...

"Hermione, are you feeling ok? I need you to tell me the password for the dorm" he said quickly.

"house unity" I mumbled and the portrait of a small child sat on multi-coloured crotched rug.

"Of course" Malfoy muttered to himself sarcastically.

He handed over my medication as well as a Sleepless dream draught and left the room swiftly - I walked in to my bedroom and got ready for bed , I took my medicine and fell in to a sleep full of my nightmares (unlike the potion stated..)

Many memories of past events, I once again reached for that special velvet lined box...

* * *

Thanks for reading! :)

Next chapter will be upload sometime soon

See ya!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey Guys - sorry it took so long to upload - been so busy with homework and revision for exams...

jeez - I can't wait to be in college...

Anyway getting back on track:

DISCLAIMER - I wish I did own Harry Potter but there we go - beggars can't be choosers as some people say ;)

* * *

A Separate voice in my head was questioning why I would do this?

The more dominant voice inside my voice replied for me - it helps...

With what? - the first voice persisted...

I awoke suddenly to hear someone at the door...

"Oi! Hermione, if you are not up and out of your bedroom in the next 5 minutes we're leaving without you"

Blaise, Harry and Ginny shouted.

I'd forgotten that it was saturday, and the trip to Hogsmeade.

Blaise and Harry had become better friends so it would be easier for all of us who believed in second chances and that he wanted Ginny and Hermione be happy. However , Ron didn't agree so much and wouldn't talk to anyone apart from gryffindors and the occasional hufflepuff, since the war he trusted no one. He considered his best friends betrayers and enemies...

He no longer talked to Harry and accused his own sister to be "coveting with the dark side" because he thought that Blaise was a death eater and that she was in a relationship with him before the war. Which of course, the information above was untrue, she couldn't do anything about his "opinions" as he called them.

However, the group decided to persuade him - they gave up after a while and left him to his own devices. A massive group of small 3rd or 4th year witches surrounded him all of the time - he was abusing his title of being in the Golden Trio even thought he never spent anytime with me or Harry anymore... Not that I miss doing his homework but I felt at the beginning that I had lost a good friend. But then again that was a long time ago, I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard another bombardment of abuse upon my door in my form of Ginny.

* * *

"Hermione if you do not get out of your room in 2 minutes I will personally get Malfoy to blast the door off its hinges and you will know what my perfected bat bogey hex is like!" She shouted which was perfectly normal for Ginny as she loved to shop in Hogsmeade and always wanted me to try on dresses for the annual christmas ball but

I refused every time for the obvious reason - she would be able to see my scars... I did not want that happening and I also didn't want Malfoy busting my bedroom door in the middle of getting dressed. I left the curtains pulled and as stepped out and reached over to grab an article of clothing and my whole body ached. But I carried on and finished pulling on a plain light blue long sleeved Tshirt with some black skinny jeans and hi top trainers.

I placed my hand on the door which released all of the charms and pulled open the oak door. Ginny came tearing through and looked around expecting to find me but I hid behind the door giggling like a mad hatter.

Ginny was furious and I walked out with her behind me, grabbing my thin winter coat and said :

"Shall we go?" They all looked at my incredulously apart from Malfoy who just smirked.

"Let's go" Ginny furrowed brows replaced with a gentle smile and she grabbed my arm and ran out of the dorm. The boys took that as a cue to follow us and they ran towards with smiles on their faces. This is how my childhood should be, running , laughing and playing with my friends. The dominant voice in my head appeared once more: You don't deserve them...you don't deserve them after all you are keeping secrets from your only friends?

Malfoy knew- I kept forgetting to call him Draco , I was so used to using that name but it also reminded me of his house - the house I dreaded. The people that hated me, I couldn't escape from those people...I couldn't sleep with having nightmares...

Trying to take my mind off the subjects and thinking "happy" thoughts, I tried to immerse myself in shopping with Ginny until I could have dropped down with exhaustion I thankfully forgot about it.

* * *

Later on, she pleaded for me to try on a dress but I refused and walked back to Harry Blaine and Draco who were chatted animatedly. Draco suddenly whispered in my ear - "perform a simple concealment charm on your body" and then carried on talking to the other boys.

"Maybe he's right..." I thought and I cast the simple enchantment and my scars were concealed. I felt a rush of new found confidence and strode over to Ginny. Just as she turned around , I saw the dress she had picked out - it was a full length dress with a sweetheart neckline bodice and it had a split up side to mid-thigh. I took one look and I couldn't help but guess what she was going to say /plead to me.

"Pleasee try it on Hermione!"

"Fine...I'll go and try it on." As I said this I took the dress from her hands and went to the changing rooms.

I slipped in to the dress and the material felt like a second skin. I looked at the person in the mirror that I thought couldn't be me.

The voice screamed inside me again- you don't deserve this!

Another screamed back - of course she deserves it , shut up!

Merlin! I wanted to make this voices stop and I placed my hands on my head but they wouldn't stop - I almost has another panic attack...

I had the voices in my head battling once more- the darker side always won... I didn't really deserve this...

I calmed myself down but didn't realize how long I'd been until I heard Ginny's voice asking me if I was ready.

"I'll be out in one minute" I said just so she could hear. I looked at the person in the mirror once more then opened the cubicle and stepped out.

Ginny and the boys were stood just outside and all of them had their mouths wide open...including Draco which was a rare occurrence. Also the one that I didn't expect, one by one the two people I considered to be my brothers blushed slightly, even on Draco's delicate lily-white skin I could see the faintest blush.

I took the moment to appreciate the silence and then said in a condescending way:

"Are we trying to catch flies?" I laughed slightly after I saw them trying to cover up their reactions.

Ginny was the first person to say something:

"Hermione you look amazing! You have to come to the ball this year! I will drag you if I have to!" She cried

"I'll think about it but I also don't have one to go with , anyway I'm putting the dress back - I can't exactly afford it this time either" I said downheartedly.

Little did she know a certain someone else would buy it for her...

"Hermione you look wonderful" Harry and Blaise said together.

"Thank you both" I said quietly and I looked down again - still the words resonated my head - You don't deserve this...

While Draco stood there and said almost under his breath but loud enough for my ears to hear-while Ginny pulled the other boys away to make them try suits almost as if she knew he wanted be alone with me for a few minutes.

"Hermione , you look beautiful" he stated, which made me stop and turn around to look back at him while a delicate blush lighted my cheeks. He diverted his eyes and whispered a quick :

"Your welcome"

He stood there but left when Blaise called him over to ask his opinion on his suit for the ball. I didn't see them walk in but just as I stepped out of the changing rooms , I saw Pansy Parkinson and her gang make a beeline for me.

* * *

Well there we go - ending on a cliffhanger.

My next chapter will be up soon!

Hope you enjoyed it - fav,review, like etc!

Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

hi guys! I'm back again - just been really busy! Finally some free time to update my story! -.-' ,

anyway enjoy!

* * *

- There was nowhere to run , I couldn't spot any of my friends , I only had a fraction of time to run - hiding amongst the clothes, I heard footsteps then I saw her... Pansy and her gang were determined to make my life miserable. I couldn't escape them wherever I went. She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me towards her and pointed her wand at my stomach and hexed me - however it wasn't oneof the most painful of hexes because she was fairly weak but it hurt enough that I thought I might have been sick. Jeers and threats were thrown at me wildly and I just gave in - they couldn't cause me anymore pain than they already had.

"Oh and Granger leave Draky alone, he's mine - always has and always will be mine. So stop flouncing around with him or we'll make you life more miserable than ever. I don't make idle threats." And left just like that , I cradled myself and limped in to the changing rooms - somehow without any one seeing me.

I managed to summon a razor that I kept in my pocket for emergency purposes. I didn't deserve his kindness - one line, I didn't deserve to have friends

- Two lines, I didn't deserve anything in this world

- Three lines, and finally I didn't deserve to live

- Four lines, for being a mudblood... I made these marks on both arms.

Staring at the lines I had made on my arms, the crimson liquid trickling down the sides of my arms - I felt my emotions leave me in the form of my blood dripping on to the floor.

My tears flowed freely down my small face. Nobody had come to find me yet...at that point I wondered if I truly mattered to anyone...

All of a sudden the curtain was pulled back and I saw Draco standing in the doorway looking horrified. I could almost see his face before I closed my eyes...

* * *

- That was the last thing I remembered , I awoke to find myself laying on my own bed in the heads room and silently thanked Draco for not taking me to the infirmary. scanning the room around me I found Draco sat in the plush chair in my bedroom.

I felt rejuvenated , he must have healed my wounds from yesterday I thought. At least someone cared for me...

I lightly tapped on his shoulder , he stirred, then awoke slowly. However, he didn't expect me to awake so when his pale face glanced upon mine it showed a look of shock. "I thought Malfoys weren't meant to show emotions" I quipped but not in a mean way.

"Fair play, just don't use my surname - the only thing in the family that was worth fighting for was my mother. My father just disrespected us, didn't listen to what we had to say,he just followed orders like a dog obeying its master" he spat out venomously.

"Sorry - I didn't know..." I said quietly "Of course you didn't know, you may believe to know about the world , on the contrary there are many things you do not know about. Also you don't know what Pansy can do- she's weak but knows a lot about dark magic, only I knew how to handle these wounds on your body." "How bad was it? Where are Ginny , Harry and Blaise?" I babbled to avoid conversation about her...

"I had to distract Ginny and Harry by telling them you didn't feel well - it was quite hard for me to get them not to follow me. However Blaise was easy to distract and he was flicking through suites and other things."

"So..." I said and there was an awkward silence. He stood up and walked out of the room , quickly followed by me hobbling along behind him - still slightly feeling the pain of yesterday.

I also felt fairly faint which was never good as I had a track record of usually falling asleep or fainting after I cut myself. "You still cut yourself?" He stated quietly.

Well, that statement certainly opened a can of worms... I couldn't think of what to say to him...I couldn't lie and tell him I haven't been cutting because when I looked down to my arms and I could see the angry looking lines that were threatening to scar my delicate arms. - My arms , held gingerly but I could feel the strength in Draco's hand - he spoke softly :

"Whenever you feel the need...to cut...please tell me you will come and find me - it doesn't matter what time just come to me..."

"I can't promise...but I'll try. Just one thing why do you care so much for me?" He sighed and went on to say:

"I just...I've been in love with you since the Yule Ball - noticing how elegant and perfect you looked , I couldn't bear to see you with Krum and then again when Weasley...made you cry when he was with Lavender..."

"I don't know what to say..I mean I don't know how I feel.." I felt somehow sorry for Draco as I couldn't give him a straight answer, I just felt empty inside...

Not knowing whether I could survive another day in my shell of a body...

Draco didn't say a word , he just kept staring at me as if in deep thought - then his face flashed panic and concern.

"Of course you don't have to make up your mind now with everything you're going through" he rushed out obviously regretting the bombshell he had just dropped upon me.

But somehow I felt as though that didn't matter, that standing with Draco made me feel stronger than me by myself - maybe I cared for him more than I would admit at this point but I still didn't deserve him...

Not even Draco...

My world came crashing down upon me - the realization, that I couldn't be with him. I didn't deserve him and I was damaged goods far beyond anyone's repair

- No-one could help me...

I was still completely alone but with everyone surrounding me - suffocating me instead of helping me.

I felt Draco's stare boring in to me - my eye's must have looked glassy and unreceptive from his view as he shook me, gently whispering :

"'Mione...are you ok? Hermione..." there was no response from my mouth as I couldn't form the words - the words that I wanted to share with him.

By this time I could tell he was worried about me - I was unresponsive to his questioning. I started to itch my arms again - the urge for that was too great , I couldn't stop myself.

The voice in my head kept on chanting - You don't deserve him! -

Comments from Pansy earlier on swimming, floating around my head.

Draco did not notice the sticky red substance trickling down my arm and on to the cream carpeted flooring , creating a pool...

Still trying to get my attention he noticed the blood on the floor

"No,no, no 'Mione" he said nervously and summoned a box of tissues to wipe up the mess while I was just frozen in the same spot.

I could feel myself slowing falling in to a dark abyss , darkness surrounding me - nobody apart from my person was there with me.

Just me and my thoughts and questions...

-When will the pain stop?-

-When will I be able to move on?-

Memories and thoughts rushed past , my memory played on parts of my past.

The war, my parents, our loved ones that had passed away, my first day of magic, my first day of torture in the profound Malfoy Manor...

All of my bad memories overcrowded my good memories as if I was being kissed by a thousand Dementors...without an escape route...

I couldn't help but wish that I was dead...

* * *

So what do you think guys?

Fav, review etc!

Let me know what you think and i'll be uploading more chapters and maybe a new fanfic over the Holiday season :)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone !

See you in 2013!


	6. Chapter 6

Hi guys - here's the new installment!

Enjoy! x

* * *

Someone up in the sky didn't want me to die as I woke suddenly in a bed with Draco holding my hand as if he couldn't let go or it was the last time he was going to see me. I couldn't face him knowing what he had told me... All the feelings rose up inside me - how could I talk to him now? The way he felt about me... I couldn't possibly have a stable relationship with him it would be too...difficult.

I had kept myself tangled in a web of lies to protect myself from the outside world so that people couldn't harm or get close to me. To have him so close I was sure that I could handle that, even if I did have feelings for him - which I didn't know at this point whether I could come to be truthful or honest with him. Many years of practicing how to lie to people that I cared or perhaps i had made that up as well - it was becoming harder to tell if I actually cared about these people surrounding me - did I make that up aswell? I had taken a lot of time to build up just to have it knocked down because someone might have feelings for me.

Or I might have feelings for that person , telling me that they could help my life get better - in all honesty my life wasn't perfect with all that had happened -I was broken, no one deserves a broken package no matter how pretty the outside is. The cracks had started to appear and I couldn't stop thinking about how I used to be before everything had happened. I was fun, I used to help prank people with Fred and George, I used to love listening to Bill and Charlie telling me about their lives as a curse breaker and a dragon trainer.

How I used to love mollie's delicious cooking - now I couldn't help but retch or gag at the smell of any food no matter how good it smelt...

Not to mention the fact I alway wore long sleeves to prevent anyone from knowing what I truly did when I had no one to talk to. When I felt that no-one was there for me.

Draco happened to be the one person that understood me , understood what I was going through and I was being foolish, pushing him away even further - I was pushing away everyone I had ever cared about... I was increasing my chances of being alone.

I steadily walked to the bathroom without waking him , I quietly opened the bathroom door and closed it quickly behind me. Hoping that he hadn't heard me leave - I searched frantically for the small wooden box that held the items that would help me end it all... I couldn't find the box anywhere , taking out the various draws out - taking them and spilling their contents out on to the cold tile flooring. All different items clattering on the hard floor - I was becoming more worried that box held the keys to my life.

In essence it was my life-line , the noise must have woken Draco up as I heard him open the bedroom door. I muttered a quick locking spell and cursed myself for forgetting a silencing spell... Draco persistantly knocked on the door: "Hermione! 'Mione!" "No!" I shouted back "Open up! If you are looking for a certain little box then stop..." Then all went silent...I stopped for a split second and continued to search the room thinking that he was bluffing. Until I heard a familiar spell - alohomora which opened the door and I crumbled to the floor.

* * *

By that time i guessed that he really did have it... I sloped to the ground as I couldn't be bothered to worry about how I looked with Draco..In all honesty I probably looked like a mess to him. He could leave me to it for all I care - he took away MY special box, he didn't have that right...he shouldn't have done that. He slipped in to the room and closed the door behind him - he slowly crouched down to my level.

" 'Mione , I did it for your own good, nothing good will come of it - how could I let something like that happen to you?"

I didn't speak - to shocked to from the words I needed to say as if someone had sealed my lips together. My hands felt clammy...

I started to cold-sweat , I didn't feel right. It made me think - I haven't cut myself in the last 24 hours because a certain blonde boy was keeping an eye on me...

I was going to have a panic attack - I didn't have my special pain reliever. I started to rock back and forth cradling my head against my knees - curled up in a foetal position. I had read about a condition like this in a muggle magazine where these symptoms would appear. I think it was called these side affects were from withdrawal but that couldn't happen to me , I didn't even use or take any form of drugs. It just didn't make sense, why do I feel these symptoms of withdrawal?

Draco looked at me cautiously and apologetically at the same time and I felt as if I could tell what was running through his mind. I stood and approached him quickly and started beating my fists against his chest - screaming like a two year old having a tantrum with tears staining my face ,we both sank to the floor as he just placed his strong but stable arms gently around me until I was fresh out of tears and had stopped hitting him.

He kept whispering to me words of encouragement to calm me down - he knew what stress he had caused me. Rubbing soothing circles on my back- the tears still rolling down my cheeks. He had seen me at the lowest point in my life - I had hit rock bottom and he was there for me which was unexpected to say the least.

He just wasn't that type of person to seemed to have cared about me,but he was here with me at this point of my life and could not thank him enough- perhaps my heart did hold a special place for him. Like he did for me? Although I couldn't always voice my opinions but I simply had to get my special box back so I didn't have to suffer anymore.

No matter how much I cared for him , he had still gone against my wishes. Although I felt as if the whole world was crashing down - the strength to keep me going and throwing myself off a building was from Draco. He was my saviour...the one special person that would help me through my dark times...little did I know it yet.

"If you can hear me 'Mione , I will always be here for you - to help you along the way as well as all of your friends..." he spoke softly and sounded as if he wasn't expecting an answer from me.

I surprised him with a croaky voice:

"I'm not promising you anything Draco because I'm not sure that I'll be able to pull through with it...but I'll try for you..."

I leant forward and kissed his forehead softly before sinking back it to his arms, exhausted and still slightly unstable.

I would try for his sake and all of my friend's sakes...not for me - I was just a lost cause , a disappointment, someone who couldn't be depended on...

I had been called these names so many time, so many people had judged me on my outer appearance...no-one apart from a few friends knew what I was truly capable of...

At least I had Draco there for me...the unlikely suspect that would help me get better...

I couldn't help but think forward to what the future would hold in store for me...

He started to hum the tune to a song I knew very well - it was one of my favourite muggle bands although it confused me on how Draco new such a song...

He then started to sing softly to me:

"I never meant to be the one who kept you from the dark  
But now I know my wounds are sown because of who you are  
I will take this burden on and become the holy one  
But remember I am human and I'm bound to sing this song  
So hear my voice,  
Reminds you not to bleed  
I am here

Saviour!  
Will be there  
When you are feeling alone, ohhh  
A saviour, for all that you do  
So you live freely without their harm..."

* * *

So guys what do you think?

Read, rate, fav !

PM me if you can figure out what song the lyrics have come from!

Opinions/constructive criticism are welcome so just PM me or leave a comment below :)

Thanks :D


End file.
